a current state of me myself and i
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i stumbled upon a quote from an old picture i had on my phone
i know damn well people come and go in life and just so u know i keep doing that to people all the time too. i don't stick to one person for a long time, or even to a group of people. i keep distance and limitation within my peer groups that i have had for a certain period of time. but somehow there is someone i really want to keep hang on forever even tho i'm losing him already. kind of.
fucks to what people said about letting go of something we DEFINETELY know it's better to let it go. hearts don't lie. no matter how much of a denial i actually am, fuck it, there are things or people i'm too glad of having to be letting go of.
terus juga aku abis baca salah satu blog temen sma aku yang katanya
"life is really a game of letting go"
this one kinda related. it's still a game of letting go. yaa jadi kayanya bener sih ini. it's hard to let go of people we're just too glad they're in our life. it's like playing a game. a game of i have no idea if i win does it mean i got to keep them or let them go. i think it's more in to letting go so lets just say if i win, i'm finally ikhlas to let 'em go gitu lah ya. hmm oke tapi ini susah. itu dia. jadi kaya sHOULD I JUST LET PEOPLE GO OR SHOULD I MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE THEM STAY krn sbnrnya juga ya i don't want them to go. but the thing about life is that people come and go jadi kaya yAUDAH BINGUNG.
a friend of mine once said that if we really want something, we should make effort to make it happen. well, if i could put it into a conversational phrase, it sounded more like this (damn, i love the office and everything about it. the conversation between me and my friend didn't sound so much like this honestly but just let me quotes this one bc why not)
it's like all these three things are somehow so equally relatable for me yet so contradictory tapi juga berkesinambungan gitu ngerti gaksih kaya somehow I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT SHOULD I DO. like i know it will be much better for my mental state and feelings and everything to let it go. LET THEM GO. bc well, apparently these kind of feelings come not only to romantic kind of thing but to a lot of thing i've been feeling lately. and the thing about if we want something, we should go and get it. it really is confusing, right? so should we make it happen even though we know damn well it's going to be hard and it'll probably be a roller coaster within ourselves or should we just let it go bc i do like it that much. damn life surely is confusing.
i value happiness and gratefulness as my go-to feeling. every time i feel bad about myself, every time i feel like things aren't going how i planned it (or wanted it, bc u know sometimes you cant plan things) to be i keep telling myself that nothing in the world always go as people has planned and everything going on in this world are normal as if each and every one of us is or already going through hard things but damn. i shouldn't be so hard on myself, should i? sometimes we go through harder things than most people went through and i know well enough it's fine to feel sad and angry every once in a while. it's human nature. thing is loyla does best at being a denial. a coping mechanism i unconsciously keep doing. i keep myself sane by denying things and feelings that happen around me to the point i have no idea what i feel anymore.
jujur ini jadi nya kaya ga so romantic state of mind at all jadi kaya my general state of mind karena sbnrnya yg mau di let go ga cuman orang tapi juga like goals, ambitions, what should i do for a living and stuffs. like should i be realistic or idealistic. engga guys, ini bukan quarter life crisis ((lagi lagi denial)) tp beneran deh ini bukan soalnya lebih ke figuring out what i want to do, what i want to have, what kind of people i want myself to be surrounded with.
ok segitu dulu ya bye bye see u kapan kapan lagi
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